The first book in the Trilogy is now being published. Families are Forever: Communication is being published in EBook format by AuthorHouse, a division of Penguin Books on 19 July 2013. To order your copy for $4.95, go to http://www.AuthorHouse.com/Bookstore.

The paperback version will be out by 1 August 2013. One way to order it is via www.theFamilyForever.com, my main website.

Various parts of this first book will be shared here on this blog in the weeks to come. sign up to have all the chapters automatically sent to your email address.

We start with the very excellent Foreword by Dr. Hal Gillespie, psychiatrist from Spokane, Washington.

FOREWORD

News alerts of the Boston Marathon bombings jolted my concentration as I started to write this Foreword.  With relief, I learned of the safety of Dr. Cogswell’s daughter and son-in-law, who had crossed the finish line, only a few lifesaving minutes prior to the blast.  The bombers were identified quite quickly but it was much later that cable television news mentioned the possibility of radical Muslim involvement (although it was known the family emigrated from Chechnya, which is primarily Muslim influenced).  The press also delayed posing questions about the family, their dynamics and how these brothers were being supported in a wealthy community.  Eventually both issues were addressed and it became obvious that the immediate family of origin had values that were divergent from our culture and had failed to assimilate. It is concerning that the media could speculate endlessly about possible motives without focusing on the importance of family and values, particularly if they involved religion, whether Christian or Muslim.  Could the media’s stance be explained by political correctness and contemporary cultural beliefs that values do not matter and one belief system is just as valid as another?  Do we not as parents need to examine and test our beliefs and then thoroughly and clearly communicate them to our children and grandchildren, while still supporting their differentiation?  Should we not be able to defend our chosen forms of Christianity and Islam in intellectual and moral perspectives?  Dr. Cogswell does dare to address the issues of values and family communication in the second volume of this series.

Families are forever . . . or are they?  The statement may be “true” in the sense that our primary family experiences determine our subjective experiences throughout our lives.  We may live out our lives on opposite sides of the world from our families of origin, but the family is still within us even if we are engaged rebelliously against it.  Dr. Murray Bowen, a pioneer family therapist, stated:  “Maturation is the process of disentangling oneself emotionally from the craziness of one’s family of origin without giving up the family.”  He defined “craziness” as anything that doesn’t work for you and your life.  But, is this taken too literally in our modern world?  Has differentiation become a process of rejection and alienation as children become more influenced by social networking and communication technology? Are parents failing to impart values, respect and discipline?  A common experience is to see a family eating dinner in a restaurant in silence, as each member is preoccupied with I pads, cell phones or game boys. Even couples can be noted texting or play electronic games on their smart phones during public concerts and plays.  Dr. Cogswell does acknowledge that social media and networking may distort or even prevent family interactions and complicate the process of differentiation.  It is hard to differentiate from someone when you don’t know who they are.  It is not clear how to develop effective communication under these circumstances. The answers may come from someone who grows up in the “wired generation”, who understands the phenomenon from their experience.  Regardless of how it evolves, communication remains essential to individualization and differentiation.

Families may be forever, but family forms or structure may not be forever.  Other pioneering family therapists, such as Salvador Minuchin and Carl Whitaker taught that children are most likely to imitate the behaviors of their parents.  Is that observation less valid for the twenty first century?  With increasing longevity, more families consist of three generations.  The traditional, two parent, married heterosexual households are much less common.  With the advent of numerous new constant stimuli for children are they more likely to choose behaviors and values from outside the family?  If so, the first challenge for the behavioral sciences is to discover how to enable parents to communicate with their children in ways that teach important positive values.  Dr. Cogswell outlines current approaches developed in recent decades to help traditional families.  This is a good place to begin the discussion.  The resulting question is how traditional approaches will need to be modified for our time.  Another challenge, for all of us, is to identify and delineate values that are generally approved across our culture and then encourage their expression in the media, entertainment industry, and newer technological advances.

Utopia may be unattainable; families have always encountered problems and will continue to face problems.  In one of civilization’s oldest historical accounts, the book of Genesis, there is recorded jealousies, deceptions, betrayals, conflicts, and even fratricide in families.  Perhaps these ancient myths also contain principles and wisdom that still apply to families today.  It has been said that as Adam and Eve were leaving the Garden of Eden, one said to the other:  “My dear, we are living in troubled and changing times.”

When we examine our experiences of life, it appears that the only reality is our subjective one.  We live in a world where our sensory experiences are projected onto the screens of our minds through filters of cultural beliefs, values we are taught and the influence of life events and relationships.  This seems to determine one’s own reality.  With this basic condition, we tend to project this personal vision onto others.  Only through communication can the family and the individual members correct these distortions.

No family is perfect.  No parent, spouse or child is completely who we want them to be.  A major developmental task for each of us is to recognize our own projected neediness and to forgive family members for not being everything we want them to be.  In this process we come to love them for being who they are.  Perhaps this is the best opportunity in life to imitate God; it’s the godliness within us.

In these books, Dr. Cogswell shares his experience and knowledge derived from decades of teaching and working with families.  His efforts are applauded as he takes on the challenge of translating theory into everyday language and experience for the nonprofessional reader.  He is a beloved friend and colleague and to use the well-worn cliché:  he is like a brother to me.  It was a privilege to write this Forward.  I certainly do not agree with everything that he says or with all the ways he may approach an issue.  In the end, however, we remain engaged in active and respectful dialogue and in close relationship.  Is that not what “families are forever”’ all about?

Dr. Hal Gillespie. M.D.

Spokane, Washington

May 2013

 

© Dr. D.’s Domains 2013

 

 

 

 

To all:

I am not sure what I just experienced. I was doing a causal reading on Facebook when up appeared a video entitled Consciousness Drives the Universe. I had seen parts of it before so I watched it again.

The hard sciences, through Quantum Physics, has begun to apply what it has discovered and concluded to our human behavior and existence. This video is so well down that it clearly explains how we humans create our own consciousness. One way we do that is by the pattern of our thoughts or our consciousness. If we have a lot of negative thoughts, we are going to experience a lot of negative experiences. Luckily, the reverse is true.

The video explains this about as clear as I have ever heard any person explain this process. It is well-worth watching.

One way to watch it is to go to the website http://www.thefamilyforever.com and at the top of the Visitor’s Center Page, click on “FRF Complex”. Up will come several options. Chose “Screening Room” and the video will be right there for you to see.

Anyone doing so then can post your thoughts and questions here for all of us to see. I will respond to those as well.

Other related videos are coming soon.

The trilogy book series “Families Are Forever” takes a very clear philosophical approach based on this theory and other related sources. Our approach throughout the books is that we write from a strength’s perspective, glass is more than half full, there are only families with hurdles, all families. There are no other kinds. These ideas come from many places including the great pioneer family therapist Salvador Minuchin. One of his books is Family Healing: Strategies for Hope and Understanding ISBN 0-684-85573-9.

The first book in our trilogy Families are Forever: Communication comes out in August 2013. Sample chapters are available on the website.

I hope you will watch this video and post your thoughts and questions here.

Dennis Cogswell

Are You Paying Attention?

 

Attention is important, because whatever you pay attention to grows. If you focus on your job, your relationship, or a favorite hobby, your attention nourishes that feedback loop. (The brain strengthens or weakens in specific areas depending on the input it receives, and paying attention provides concentrated input.) Attention can’t be faked or forced. When a schoolteacher scolds an unruly class with, “Pay attention, people!” he may get results for a few minutes, but the demand loses its effect very quickly. Asking a restless mind to settle down and pay attention is even more futile. The secret is to know how attention really works.

 

Attention is focused awareness. There are some basic requirements to be met. The first is being centered, the skill we covered to begin this series of posts. Distraction is self-defeating. Second, your awareness focuses naturally when you have a desire. We focus on what we want. Third, attention works best when combined with intention – envisioning a way to fulfill your desire. When the three ingredients come together – you are centered, you have a desire, you intend to fulfill your desire – attention becomes extremely powerful. The tale is told by anyone who has fallen in love at first sight; it’s the definition of laser focus. But for some people the same focused attention applies to ambition, money, and power.

 

Attention becomes more elevated when you focus on objects of inner desire. Almost everyone has wondered “Who am I?” but the people who actually find out are driven by a desire to know. This desire is as strong as other people’s desire for more money, status, and power. If you ask spiritual questions casually, they amount to very little. God could send you a telegram with the answers and it wouldn’t change your life. The path must be driven by desire. Let’s say that you experience a moment of inner peace that has arrived without expectation. It’s just there, appearing in the midst of an ordinary day.

 

You might casually notice it, or a train of thought could begin, as follows:

 

I’m at peace. How unusual. I like this.

 

I wonder where it came from.

 

I want to find out, because it would be good to be at peace more often.

 

I’m going to follow this experience up. It’s too valuable to forget.

 

This is a natural train of thought, and every self-aware person I know has followed it, not necessarily from a moment of inner peace. Some have experienced sudden joy; others felt protected and looked after; a few sensed a spiritual presence that caught them totally by surprise. What they had in common was that they really paid attention to their experience. The process can be simplified into three steps. The next time you have an inner experience of peace, joy, love, inspiration, or insight, pause for a moment.

 

Step 1: Notice what is happening. Sit quietly without distraction. Soak up the experience without commenting or interrupting it.

 

Step 2: As the moment fades, don’t rush away from it. Consider how significant it is. Put the significance into context, reflecting on how different you feel from your ordinary self.

 

Step 3: Make the experience valuable. Consider how transformed your life would be if you could repeat the experience. Even more, think about a life filled with joy, peace, and love. See it in your mind’s eye; feel how beautiful your life would become.

 

 

 

What Makes Us Human? Rabbit Hole

 

Courtesy of The Chopra Well

 

In these three steps you are activating the emotional brain and the cortex, or higher brain, the first by fully feeling your experience, the second by applying thought and reflection. This is how dreams come true. You combine a vision of possibilities with the kind of focused intention that creates new pathways in the brain. The world “in here” is connected always to the world “out there.” You can’t seize an opportunity without being aware of it; you can’t nourish a new possibility without wanting to. When awareness, desire, and intention come together, you are mastering the skill of paying attention.

 

Deepak Chopra, MD, Founder of The Chopra Foundation.

the family forever…. what a depressing thought for someone who used to believe in just that… we have pretty much lost the family to our modern conveniences like; divorce; abortion; latch key kids

it is not a wonder to me that kids commit such bizarre and violent acts like they are capable of today in my mind… to me it is a wonder that more don’t…

if we aren’t sure about what unsupervised children are capable of doing we should all reread ‘Lord of the Flies’ in my opinion…

 

tom here

Hello Fellow Authors. If you are reading this, you have decided to become an Author of this experience. I am busy adding up to ten authors which will take me several days. I started with the ten people I most wanted to join us, but realize that not all will accept. I thus have a back-up list of ten. And a back-up list of one hundred.

Once we have our intitial ten, I will start inviting the 40-400 Audience members. I do not want a totally open blog, just a semi-open blog. One can become an Audience member either by my request, by your suggesting to me that I invite “X” (and I will) or through some open invitations to several major data bases such as Facebook and LinkedIn. Respondents there will have to be approved as I have to add everyone to the major data base. Audience members can become Author’s when there is an opening. Please accept this as what it is until you experience what is. I am not attempting to control anything; just somethings. Aren’t you?  I want to share my experience with a doable portion of the world.

Start by learning as much as you can about “Continuous Thinking” as you will be requested to do so often here in this experience. To start, some might use Google to see what the Chinese have to say about “Ying to Yang.”  Then, for now, remove the word “OR” from your vocabulary and always replace it with “TO”.

As soon as you are ready, make a post of any type. You can do that now. Respond to another’s post. Ask a real question or make a question statement. Or, if you want to go at this in an progressive fashion, respond to one of these statements or summaries from me.

(1) We all are a product of “the old” and will allow outselves to be a product of  “the new” on occassion. Tell us about both for you.

For example, I prefer to read from a piece of paper, such as a soft-cover book but am working hard to market my book as an eBook as that is the wave of tomorrow. I might even read my book as an eBook.

(2) You know the famous comedy routine by Abbot and Costello about baseball. At least I hope you do. To refresh yourself, go to Youtube and watch them do their routine for you. Then post the URL here for the rest of us to use.

Once you do that, “who/what is on first in you in your life?

(3) Words chosen or chosen to not be used are important. For a while, eliminate these words from your vocabulary. Should and Should Not; Need and Need To; Can’t; Try; and “I Don’t Know.”

What do you experience after about of week of this?

Start saying “Hot Damn” as much as you will. After about a week of doing that, what do you experience?

(4) Ok, here we go. I am ready to post about politics, values, violence, health, religion, sex, and most anything else. I think we will get there.  For now, what are your thoughts about this:

I believe in Jesus more so now that before but not as much as a long time ago. What about you?

Post, read and think often. Enjoy the others who are experiencing you.

 

Families Are Forever: Book Four

Quotes and Notes From the Good Doctor

Human Communication

 

•                      My wife says that I talk too much. Probably.

That may be true. All people want to be heard on matters that are important to them. Even the smallest baby makes noises to be heard. S(he) has her own language and s(he) knows what is being said, even though we don’t. As s(he) grows into being a Toddler, and we grow as parents, each of us works to have the other learn our language. Finally our baby gives up on us ever learning her/his language and switches over to her/his learning our language. That pleases us greatly which then influences the young offspring to lean more of our language. And the cycle goes on.  Finally the first words have become first sentences and we are happy.

There also is another reason someone would say that you talk too much. Almost always there is competition for ”air time” or who gets to speak publically. In public, it is one thing a recently married couple has to work out. Some do and some don’t.

A fun thing to do when you are in a group of people and can sit back and follow the “order of speaking”. Take some notes on a card, just for yourself. Here, like elsewhere in relationships there is a pecking order. Pay only attention to who speaks, and not what is said. Soon your card will look like this:  John, Cindy, Cindy, Bruce, Latasha, Cindy, Mike,  Cindy. . . What have you learned so far?

                               With Bearley Bear,  Squire Bin Forever and of course, Kelly

                                                         ©Dr. D’s Domains  2013

Families Are Forever

Book Two: Feelings, Those Rascals!

And Now We Feel

You change values by focusing on the new ones that you want to add. In doing so, those get stimulated and give out rewards which displace the old values. You avoid resentment feelings and learn how to turn the volume up of the new ones which eventually becomes loud enough to drown out the old value’s noise.

Values are the ‘shoulds’ of life but to be “should on” is no fun.

Most people want their feelings to be positive before they venture forward in a change. Except that it doesn’t work that way. Change occurs and if it is good change, good feelings follow.

A good old fashioned cry is still the best way to wash away mild bad feelings.

Dr. Dennis Cogswell

Here is How ‘It’ Goes

We feel good that you are here. . . We are so happy that you bought this book. . . We are so happy that you bought this book as this topic is very important. . . I’m so happy..

Which of these four sentences are a direct, affective based, expression of feelings? Which of these sentences is a cognitive based, set of thoughts about feelings?

“I’m so happy” is the only expression of feelings. The first three are all thoughts about feelings. Both are important and both will be the foci of this book.

Do you feel like you will be able to spot both or at least one type? Although this sentence uses the word “feelings”, it actually is a misuse. There are no feelings being expressed or focused on here. It is a cognitive question about your ability to  assess differences.

How are you feeling about this book so far?  You could respond either with a statement of your actual feelings: “Good” or many different statements of your thoughts: (1) Puzzled; (2) I don’t know. I am not into the book far enough to tell (3) I don’t like this type of beginning. Which is the best type of response? Both. It Depends.

“Depends on what?” you say.

“Great”, we respond. We have just entered into a dialogue which we like very much to have happen with our readers.

Is the word “like” a feeling word?  No. It is a “valuing” word.

“Wait a minute”, you say. “I thought this chapter was about feelings? Now you have switched to values. Which is it?”

Both. Both feelings and values come from the same compartment or structure in your brain. That compartment/structure is known as the affective domain. Being both from the same psychological domain is what contributes greatly to the confusion about this. You see, both feelings and values can have the same amount of energy released with them, sort of like using the energy to carry the feeling or value outward and to help the listener pay more attention to it rather than a statement of thoughts, as this paragraph is. Both are important. Although this chapter focuses on feelings, we do explain much about values as comprehending one helps with the understanding of the other. Let’s continue doing both.

Nancy and I have emotions and we are guided by our values.

That is a thought, and a fact; it is neither a feeling nor a value.

I love you Nancy. That is a feeling stated. All my feelings have corresponding values.

“She is a good wife” relates to my values as to what is important to the way a woman behaves to whom I have become legally, emotionally, day-by day, 365/7  attached. That is called marriage by the State of Virginia and some others.[i]

If Nancy’s name was to be “Jean” and she had an operation to become “Gene”, would my feelings change? Would we still be married in the eyes of many people & churches[ii]? My feelings would likely stay the same unless overwhelmed by my values. I have written a statement that I believe to be true: “People think we think most of the time. That isn’t true. We feel or value much more often. Feelings always take president (or trump) thoughts but values take president (or trump) feelings.

Think about that as you go about your day and your week. Let us know what you discover; we will let you know what we have figured out on this as we are writing to share. Besides it feels good to be writing side by side.

Values and feelings can be wonderful or very limiting.

We often are slaves to our emotions.  No, that is incorrectly stated. What is true is that we often are slaves to our values.

Guilt is my strongest feeling. No, that is incorrectly stated. Guilt is actually a value transgression. We say we “feel guilty” when we violate an internal value.

This book is all about feelings and values. We will describe them, tell how to change them. Change to us means either turning the volume down so low that you can’t hear them anymore or turning the volume up so that one benefits much more greatly from them. Values and feelings, once acquired, are very difficult to completely erase. One doesn’t change the volume by focusing on the feeling or value. One changes feelings by changing our thoughts and then changing our behavior and very soon the volume on that feeling gets changed. One doesn’t change a value by focusing on the value. Instead one thinks of a way to behave differently so that one gains new information which allows one to value something differently.

Is it ok to say “Hot Damn?”  For me, yes. For others, no. How come? Values again.

Is “I love you.” a feeling or a statement of information? It can be either. One cannot tell by just reading those three words. Pay attention to the tone of voice and body language to know. .

Is it ok to talk about sexual feelings and sexual body parts in a book? What’s ‘private’ and what is not? Pun intended. May I mention breast and penis here? Perhaps. All humans have breasts; yes, even men. Some    physiologists think that women have the equivalent of a penis. Do we ever talk about men’s breasts? Unlikely unless one is having a physical exam. Do we ever talk about women’s breasts?  I know you don’t need an answer to that one. When we do. Are we more likely talking factually, feeling-wise, or value-wise? If you are offended by the content of this paragraph, you did that to yourself. It’s not bad or good that you did that, although our culture thinks it is bad to be offended.

 Being offended is when our values are put into use and challenged. Having our values come into play can be a good or bad thing. It is good when doing so awakens us so that we are guided to something or some relationship that is positive. It is bad when it restricts us from something that is positive. But then again, the judgment of what is or is not positive is based on other values.

“Oh, dear” you say. “This is so confusing.” (feelings than thoughts).

You are correct. It is very confusing to we two authors and we have been struggling with this for a long time. Please then stay with us throughout the whole book as we work hard to clear things up and give you some baking tools so that your life is better.      

This book will provide you with information about feelings and values, some that you knew and some that you didn’t. It will encourage you to think and behave. In terms of feelings, we will encourage and teach you to learn how to turn down your volume on your feelings when they are being overvalued, which is often. We will encourage you to turn up the volume on your feelings when that would be best for you and those you love.

Do people change? Absolutely. Do people resist change? Absolutely.

Examples will illustrate points made. They will come from us; some will be from the many people with whom we have worked in our lives. Will you be able to tell the difference? Unlikely.

When we use the pronoun “we”  in this book, it includes Dennis and Nancy Cogswell, Dr. D., Nana, Kelly, Hobs and perhaps some others that wander in that we didn’t expect. We will work to let you know who is speaking.

Read on. If your trip in reading this is as much fun as our trip is in writing this, together we might be intimate. For a moment.

©Dr. D.’s Domains 2013   1534 Words  5  pages   2 Endnotes    31  March 2013

---

[i]  See
http://www.clgs.org/marriage/faq
for a lot of fascinating information about marriage that I know you didn’t know i.e. Minsters do NOT marry people as we all think.

 

[ii]There is a difference between a specific local church and the religion of which that church is apart. For example, marriage is only a religious sacrament for some religious community or Christian denomination. It only became a sacrament in the early 12^th century. Those dominations that do include: Roman Catholicism, Eastern Orthodoxy and some branches of the Anglican Communication.

 

Now that Book One has been written and is in the editing and revision phase, Nancy and I have turned our attention to Book Two of our Trilogy: Families are Forever: Feelings, Those Rascals.

Here is our present table of contents. The R with  a circle around it means that chapter has been written. We are presently working on Chapter 12 Intimate Emotions and Chapter 13 Sexual Intimacy for Mature Relationships: More Than Expected.

We will have some interesting questions for the readers of the blog. We will be blogging about different sections of each chapter as we come to it. Hope you will respond with your thoughts and feelings.

Families are Forever!

Book Two

 The Family of Feelings, Those Rascals! 

         A Baker’s Dozen Project: 2: 1-13

Dr. Dennis and Nancy Cogswell

Table of Contents

25 March 2013 Edition

(1)   Now We Feel

(2)   Double Rascals: Feelings or Emotions?

(3)   Victoria & Edward -Hugh & Betty: From Sexless to
Sexy

(4)   Feelings: What Indispensable Rascals: How They Work®

(5)   Feelings: What Indispensable Rascals: Changing Behaviors®

(6)   Feelings: What Indispensable Rascals: Changing Thoughts®

(7)   Feelings: Anger and Anxiety

(8)   Feelings: The Great Bake In: Recipes and FAQ

(9)   Ups and Downs of Change: Which Way to Go?®

 A Repeat Chapter from Book One

(10)  Starting Over Emotionally: Shaking and Baking

(11)  The Emotions of Change

(12)  Intimate Emotions

(13)  Sexual Intimacy for Mature Relationships: Part I 

  More Than  Expected.                                                         

**** Bonus Chapter for Those Who Buy the Book . Located via password on webpages at www.thefamilyforever.com  Sexual Intimacy for Mature Relationships: Part II: More Than Expected. 

Most people have some idea or a lot of ideas on how to design a website and do so. They, like me, thought they were ready for visitors. Like me, I didn’t know that I had to build in an interstructure set of meta tags or key words before anyone, including myself, could come to my new website. Ok, I did that. Come on down friends and family.

Yet no one can get in why? I can see or hear them “knocking and they can’t get in.” What is needed?

I hope this analogy helps.

 

Your home on your nice new and big lot is quite new. However, you can only go to the end of your driveway because there is not yet a connecting link or strip to My New Street, the way to the rest of your world and beyond. Even as small a strip as is needed, one can not in any way get through directly until that specific strip or link is there. You need that to get in and out with your car. You have notified the town of New Dimensions  that you are ready to have them place that strip and remove the road block they have put up there. They say “Fine;”, however you are one of thousands waiting for us to do the same thing. We will get to you when we can.” You can speed it up by paying them a fee and many do. Or you can wait for their inspectors to come around and finalize your driveway’s link to My New Street and the rest of the world. If you wait, and had a lot of your friends drive up to the road block that the town had put at the beginning of your driveway, it would trip a counter that is electronically linked back to  New Dimension headquarters. Several times a week the highway department will look to see who on the waiting list has had the most visitors who clicked the counter and couldn’t get in. They then will adjust their “first come-first serve list to move you up the list.

 

Being impatient, you call as many friends as you can as ask them to drive up to your house and to click the counter. It will be frustrating that they can’t get in because you are obviously there so many will get mad at someone, perhaps you, or the highway department and turn away. This is even though they did you a favor. Since they didn’t see any immediate benefit to them, they have trouble understanding this whole thing. In any case, in a month this will be cleared up and all can come and go as they want. 

This is the place I am in now with Bearly Bear, my new website. However, I do have another finished and certified “house” (website) that connects invisually to www.bearleybear.com and that is my older and very well developed.

 

I am telling my friends to go there (www.thefamilyforever.com) and come in the back way so they can visit me as I see Bearley the Bear and his friends. I hope you will come as well.

www.thefamilyforever.com

You really make it seem so easy with your presentation but I to find this topic to be really one thing that I feel I’d by no means understand. It kind of feels too complex and very large for me. I am taking a look ahead on your next publish, I will try to get the hang of it!

Ian

Ian, In writing anything for publication there are two areas that will need a lot of your attention. The first is the writing of your article. The second is doing what is asked and required to get it published. In terms of a book, there is much to be done and no manual that tells one exactly how to do it. That is what influenced me to share what I did.

What you do is take it one step at a time and have someone who knows more than you do to help you. On the latter, you be the expert then for someone who knows less than you.

Travel well

Dr. D.

PS Book One will be out by July if not earlier. 

If you are going to sell your book, you need an EAN Book land Barcodes. A barcode is a graphical representation of your book’s ISBN number and price. It is included on the back of a hard copy book to allow automated scanning and point-of-sale transactions. Most of the largest book retailers and wholesalers require books to display the Book land EAN bar code, which is the only barcode that encodes the ISBN as well as the book’s retail price. You can easily purchase, customize and create your own bar codes, and also store them for future access in your dashboard when you need them. To purchase or customize bar codes, you will need:

 

 

I have friends who told me that they are putting together a 1,500 piece puzzle. What a challenge. It’s not for me.

Yet that may be what getting a book published today is really about. It is much, much more than the writing of the book which I really enjoy. Then again, I did say: “I enjoy learning new things.” didn’t I.

Do you know the answers to each of these related questions?

1. What does one have to do Bowker Identifier Services [isbn-san@bowker.com] to get your book published?

 

Bowker holds the rights to selling ISBN numbers. One can buy one individually from a publishing company as long as you know you are just renting that ISBN from the reseller. They still then own the rights to your book. Most of us want to hang on to the rights to our book.

1. What would be the reason one would purchase one hundred 6-digit prefix (100 ISBNs) instead of one, as I did?

 

“ISBN” stands for “International Standard Book Number”. An ISBN is a number, not a bar code. One agency per country is designated to assign ISBNs for the publishers and self-publishers located in that country. The U.S. ISBN Agency cannot assign ISBNs to publishers and self-publishers located outside the United States and its territories. The ISBN identifies the title or other book-like product (such as an audiobook) to which it is assigned, but also the publisher to be contacted for ordering purposes. If an ISBN is obtained from a company other than the official ISBN Agency, that ISBN will not identify the publisher of the title accurately. This can have implications for doing business in the publishing industry supply chain.

Note about 979 ISBNs: ISBNs beginning 979 will not be issued in the United States for at least several years until current inventories of ISBNs are depleted. When they are assigned, they will not replace those beginning with 978.

• ISBNs beginning 978 and 979      will coexist in the book industry for a number of years.
• 978 ISBNs cannot be converted      to 979 ISBNs.
• 979 ISBNs are not convertible      to a 10-digit format and exist only in a 13-digit format.

ISBNs are assigned to publishers and self-publishers as follows: 1, 10, 100, 1,000, 10,000 or 100,000 numbers. When participating in the ISBN standard, publishers and self-publishers are required to report all information about titles to which they have assigned ISBNs. For more than thirty years, ISBNs were 10 digits long. On January 1, 2007 the ISBN system switched to a 13-digit format. Now all ISBNs are 13-digits long. If you were assigned 10-digit ISBNs, you can convert them to the 13-digit format at the converter found at this website. A 10-digit ISBN cannot be converted to 13-digits merely by placing three digits in front of the 10-digit number. There is an algorithm that frequently results in a change of the last digit of the ISBN.
http://www.isbn.org/standards/home/index.html

 

An individual ISBN number costs $125.00. Ten ISBN numbers cost $250. One Hundred ISBN’s cost $575.00.

A Block of Ten (10) ISBNs is the most commonly purchased ISBN package. Most authors these days are going to publish at least five (5) versions of a book (Hardback, Softback, EPUB, MOBI, and PDF), each of which requires an ISBN. Owning a block of 10 ISBNs is usually enough for two different books. Those who purchase blocks of 10 ISBNs are usually self-publishers who have researched their needs before making a purchase and realize this is the most cost effective purchase for their needs. The price of 10 ISBNs is $250.

A block of 100 ISBNs are usually purchased by more prolific self-publishers and small independent publishers. A block of 100 ISBNs can be sufficient for multiple versions of 20 books (or editions of books). The price of 100 ISBNs is $575

Right now I have five books planned to be published in the next three years. You do the math. My checkbook initially choked on this expense but when it did the math, it too agreed.

 

1. What do you do at www.bowkerlink.com as an important step in publishing one’s book?

Here one gets listed in Books in Print, the place to be known first if you have published a book. It is so important that one can get listed first in Forthcoming Books in Print several months before your book comes out and the title will automatically be moved over once the publication date has been exceeded.

1. What does one do at www.fotel.com or www.ggbarcode.com or www.createbarcode.com or www.myidentifers.com that is required to publish a “paper” version of a book but not an E Book?

• An ISBN Number
• Retail or List Price Information

1. What would you talk with Len Fulton of Dustbooks at www.dustbooks.com about that relates to the process of publishing your book?

Len Fulton at Dustbooks is a small books press business man who lists every book published by small publishing companies or self-publishers. It is important to support this service

1. You had better know what you are doing at this government website.
   http://pen.loc.gov/pen007.html
   ? No, you are not looking for James Bond.

A Library of Congress catalog control number is a unique identification number that the Library of Congress assigns to the catalog record created for each book in its cataloged collections. Librarians use it to locate a specific Library of Congress catalog record in the national databases and to order catalog cards from the Library of Congress or from commercial suppliers. The purpose of the Preassigned Control Number (PCN) program is to enable the Library of Congress to assign control numbers in advance of publication to those titles that may be added to the Library’s collections. 

By this time, I am pretty well very tired of all of this. But, just do it!

1. What would take you to www.collectionscan.ada.gc.ca in publishing your book?

People in Canada read and purchase books as well. Way up north, there is a lot of reading done in those cold winters. :)

Enough is enough. Time to go back to the fun stuff and write your book.

Dr. D., Dennis to you where we always provide “More than expected”.

I have friends who told me that they are putting together a 1,500 piece puzzle. What a challenge. It’s not for me.

Yet that may be what getting a book published today is really about. It is much, much more than the writing of the book which I really enjoy. Then again, I did say: “I enjoy learning new things.” didn’t I.

Do you know the answers to each of these related questions?

1. What does one have to do Bowker Identifier Services [isbn-san@bowker.com] to get your book published?
2. What would be the reason one would purchase one hundred 6-digit prefix (100 ISBNs) instead of one, as I did?
3. What do you do at www.bowkerlink.com as an important step in publishing one’s book?
4. What does one do at www.fotel.com or www.ggbarcode.com or www.createbarcode.com or www.myidentifers.com that is required to publish a “paper” version of a book but not an E Book?
5. What would you talk with Len Fulton of Dustbooks at www.dustbooks.com about that relates to the process of publishing your book?
6. You had better know what you are doing at this government website.
   http://pen.loc.gov/pen007.html
   ? No, you are not looking for James Bond.
7. What would take you to www.collectionscan.ada.gc.ca in publishing your book?

There are more questions but I will stop here now.

In my next post that will be made shortly, I will re-ask the questions and give the answers to my 1500 piece publishing puzzle.

Dennis Cogswell

…..Then Again, It May Not Be This Way.

I am the author of this story. I truly am. That is not disputable. The rest is, perhaps.  This is all that you need to know now and it is likely that will satisfy you now…… but unlikely so at the end.

I was in line at my favorite bike store to buy  kickstands for my daughter’s and her husband’s bikes. The cashier asked if I had an account and I replied in the affirmative, giving him my whole name. He responded by saying: “Well, I only have a Nancy  in here by that last name. That wouldn’t be you would it?”  For whatever reason,  I replied: “Actually I am Nancy; I just had a sex change operation.” The look in his eyes prompted me to go on. “You know, it is usually the other way around. Men want to be changed to females, much more so than women want to become men.   As all the other employees were gathering around as the store was empty of other customers, I decided that I better get this straight so I told the story I have told many times:

“ I used to be a psychotherapist who worked with men who wanted to become women physically, emotionally, and socially. They were required by John Hopkins Hospital to obtain a certain number of hours of counseling  before that hospital would perform a physical sex change operation on them. Thus, this very attractive man/woman, Gene/Jean became my patient working towards that goal.  S(he) kept her twice a week appointment and was well on his/her way to emotionally and socially switch from Gene to Jean. All was going well until one late afternoon I got a phone call from the head nurse in the emergency room of our local hospital. Gene, really thinking s(he) was Jean, had  checked herself into the emergency room with a very extended stomach, wet from the waist down saying that s(he) was going into labor right then and that her water had just broken. Being a good emergency room staff, they quickly got Jean/Gene up on a gurney and off  to the OB/GYN floor where a student nurse was set to do her job. That first step was to prep (shave off pubic hair) of  the woman all thought that  was in labor.

I can only imagine what happened next as all discovered that Jean was a Gene,  not in labor after all  and absolutely could not be in labor. Surely at least one “long shriek” was involved. Gene did get admitted to that hospital as requested but not in OB?GYN. Instead s(he) was admitted to the hospital’s psychiatric ward, to be cared for by their very good head psychiatrist,  Dr. Strange.

I received big grins and affirmative head shaking from the audience of five that had gathered around to hear that story. I thanked then for being a good audience and headed to the car, thankful for my purchase and a chance again to tell a good story. However, after so thought about how to package my purchases,  I went right back into the store and asked the same clerk? “Would you have a box for these kick stands?” He found one immediately, gave to me with a smile and said: “There I hope that works for you. I really should charge you $10.00 for that box”. I replied thinking “he is such a good straight man” and saying:  “Well, I don’t have the ten but I do have another story. Would that work for you?

He quickly nodded “yes” and the other four employees quickly rejoined him for another story:

“This story occurred right here in this college town. Two new friends of my wife and I invited us to their combination house warming/Christmas party around that great day. They had moved to their new home in a neighborhood that we hadn’t been to before after their recent marriage. We looked forward to seeing them and their new home. The night of the party we followed a stream of traffic into the unknown street , parked with everyone else, and followed several other couples into Mike and Renee’s house. We immediately met common friends, were offered good wine and food,  slowly making our way back to where Mike and Renee were to greet us. Except they weren’t there.”

“Someone finally told us that Mike and Renee lived directly across the street where they too were hosting a party. Embarrassed, we went across the street, leaving those friends and found other common friends, good wine and food. We also found Mike and Renee. We never told them where we had been for 45 minutes and we four chatted for some time. Mike and Renee  then couple excused themselves to talk with their other guests and we knew that would be the last we would really chat that evening. Through a long non-verbal look full of information and a plan that only a long married couple can give to each other, together we decided that although we knew a lot of people at the second party,  with its good wine and food, that wasn’t enough. As Mike and Renee wouldn’t miss us, we quietly left that party and went back to the first party where we again were warmly greeted. We easily rejoined the chatter with these friends and resumed consuming their good wine and food. We remained there the rest of the evening and when time to leave, did so following the same three couples outside and back to our cars, just like we did when we came it. We never knew whose home hosted the first party. Perhaps Santa  knows?”

If you liked these stories, you might be thinking. “This author/story teller is good. S(he) tells good stories and to think that these are really true.”  They are indeed real and the second story  was just published in our local newspaper. I end all my stories and chapters with the words: “…..then again, it might not be this way.”

That is also true here so I will say to you: “…..then again, it might not be this way.”  You are thinking that I am the author/story teller of this story. Perhaps? Then again, instead of being the author, I might be the subject of either or both stories? I could be Gene or Jean? I could actually be Michael or even Renee?  I might be writing  as is done on my website or wordpress blog  via my pseudomens of Dr.D., Kelly and/or Bearstein Bear?” It may or may not be the way that I started or shared. Are these my stories I am sharing or are these their stories that I am telling?

Remember, often things are not as they seem…..then  again, they may be just the opposite.[1]

Finally, remember the message in the story about the two stories . What often appears to be one thing, may really not be that way. Or what may appear one way to you, may appear quite Finally, in terms of relationships, thus, don’t judge. Evaluate. Ask questions. Listen well. Enjoy other people. Most often there is a story they will tell. Life is a story of stories. Just ask someone.

Author: Dr. Dennis Cogswell ake: Dr. D., Kelly, or Bearstein Bear.

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[1] Did I write this specifically for you?  No, I did not. Did I write this generally for you?  Yes, I did. You and hopefully several million others as I am planning to submit it for publication to a journal that focuses on short stories told in narrative style. Are the stories true? Absolutely. The first one, at least the part about the store employees  gathering around just occurred this Friday afternoon. How do I chose these stories?  In many cases they seem to choose me. For unknown reasons, my life  now days seem to be a story with many stories. I talk to a lot of people and pride  ourselves on being able to do so. Most of the time the stories told , lead me to tell a return story. Usually there is a lot of laughter involved. Most often it is a “win-win”. Gathering stories or telling stories is an art form with a scientific base.

I will share a secret you already may know. Other people always like to talk about themselves and will do so if you ask them a question about what they openly share. Especially those with who you pause with for a few moments, such as in a grocery store line, security at the airport, buying tickets at the movie theatre.  Openly share means a logo or words on a tee shirt or sweatshirt, a book they are carrying,  “I notice that you also have an iPad” or “I see that you have a Jeep symbol on your luggage; did Jeep give you a car with that luggage purchase or did you get that luggage when you bought a jeep?  (The answer came with a big smile from a 30 year old female who talked with me for 15 minutes about the book  and movie “Pi” while we both were stuck in an airport security line. I ‘bagged’ 7 new, short-term friends that morning in 30 minutes fin a non-moving airport security line. Most do not want to hear your stories first , at least until they have told theirs. If there is time, most will listen to your story before you move on. Remember, always, always start with a question to them.

This secret is known by many who counsel others on improving relationships such as being new to a group that meets monthly, or wanting better relationships in a workplace to better one’s image or gain a promotion. Seeking more leadership responsibilities starts with the hope that one’s expertise in the workplace will move one up the ladder. That will help but is not as important as offering the image of someone who listens well, someone whom others like, someone who has group involvement and leadership skills. After all, in  work groups, as in all life relationships, it is not what you know but who you know that matters.

 

Differences Must Go In Order For Us To Go On.

The nation is horrified. The shooting of twenty first grade children in Connecticut, on top of  shootings  in seven other communities has stopped us cold, as it must. The questions of ‘why” and “what can be done” are huge ones, carried around by all. None have a handle on any of it, or at least enough of a handle to steer these questions to where the answers will be accepted by all and lead us out of this quandary, caused by humans The usual answers, always ready to be given by any of the designated speakers, must remain silent and will not move us forward. All may join the dialogue as long as they agree on common ground and refrain from old answers and old objections to old questions and old answers. Einstein has already spoken to us when he said: “We shall require a substantially new manner of thinking if mankind is to survive./ You can never solve a problem on the level on which it was created./ / In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity./ Knowledge is limited.//Logic will get you from A to B. Imagination will take you everywhere./The only source of knowledge is experience.” It is time for America to use a creative problem solving approach to this huge step forward. In doing so, ten principles to follow are offered in relation to this very complicated quandary:

(1)   Those positions that are clearly opposite each other shall be discarded in the discussion that is to come. In avoiding the pitfalls of dualistic thinking, if the adverb “Or” is offered in an opinion, that opinion shall immediately be discarded. Any position that use the adverb “To”  is used will be carefully examined allowed to grow;  “Or” focuses on a few points where “To” allows for multiple foci.

(2)   The first set of answers received shall be statements of common ground;

(3)   The first statement of common ground that will be allowed is: “we all want to be safe.”

(4)   The second statement of common ground is: ‘children must be a focal point of all, to be fully supported,  and allowed to grow at all cost;

(5)   When common ground is found, a meaningful celebration of this accomplishment will occur in concert with additional searching for more common ground;

(6)   A goal is to seek questions rather than answers as it is questioning that will enable us to move forward united;

(7)   It is unlikely that understanding will occur until movement of all beyond where we are today occurs. Understanding is not essential to change, and may be impossible to achieve until change occurs.

(8)   We must maintain primary rights but do not need to protect those rights that are secondary to primary ones;

(9)   History informs on what has gone before. What matters most is “the next move, step, or action; the past is past and shall not return;

(10) Statements must be made about what we want. Statements about what we don’t want are a waste of time, a detour from finding the path to more common ground.

This all may seem confusing and indeed it is. Confusion in terms of “why” and “What to do” is normal and I am not an exception. Discussion of each principle is essential to keeping us on the path of finding how to guarantee our common ground. It will not come easily yet many small steps can begin immediately, some even on a trial basis.